I seem to do whatever John Scalzi tells me to, mostly because he keeps stringing me along with promises of fame and fortune, 70 virgins, and whatnot. Today is no exception. The weekend assignment from By the Way is to share a joke. Of course, I am me, and therefore do not follow directions explicitly (which may be what’s keeping me from fame and fortune, etc.). I will share TWO jokes.
Category 1 – Short Form:
Q. What does a pig put on his sore muscles?
Category 2 – Long Form:
In 1588, Malcolm Young was newly appointed First Mate aboard the British fighting ship, HMS Mary Rose, under Captain George Blaker-Smyth. One day during a routine patrol, they saw a Spanish ship on a direct course. Knowing that was going to be a battle, the Captain ordered all hands to battle stations. To Malcolm, he said "Go into my quarters and bring me my red shirt." Malcolm, of course, complied, but later, when they were alone, he asked why the Captain asked for the red shirt. "Well, you see son, it’s for the men. Should we be boarded, I do not want the men to see if I’ve been wounded and lose heart." That was one of the wisest and bravest things Malcolm had ever heard, and he gained a great deal of respect for the Captain after that. Over the next several weeks, they encountered a few more Spanish ships, some of which resulted in close quarters battles. In each encounter, the Captain wore his red shirt, and in each encounter, the British sailors prevailed. One day, the watch called out: two spanish ships to port, one spanish ship to starboard, a one directly ahead. The Captain turned to his First Mate and said, "Quickly, get my brown pants!"
And, what the heck, here’s some musician jokes, just ’cause I love ya:
1. Two musicians and a drummer are walking down the street…
2. How do you know when a drummer is knocking on your door? He doesn’t know when to come in.
3. How does a female vocalist screw in a lightbulb? She holds the lightbulb up and the world revolves around her.
4. What’s the difference between God and a Sound Engineer? God doesn’t think that He’s a Sound Engineer.
5. How many Bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, the Keyboardist can do it with her left hand.